| Saturday, April 30, 2005
Emotional Bridging |
| According to Richard, who is reliable on such points of fact, "Emotional Bridging" is the term used to describe the phenomenon where we experience a really strong memory trigger in, for example, a piece of sound. One of mine is the sound of Geoff Robinson's voice - as well as the old jingle for his "Morning Report" show on Radio New Zealand's National Radio programme. Call me an old fogie, but that new jingle simply doesn't cut the mustard. While we're on the subject of National Radio, do you also think that the news reader Nicola Wright has the most extraordinary voice? The smell of thyme is another trigger for me, and pine needles, and dieseled roads... All smells from childhood summers in Central Otago. There is so much to celebrate about my life as a New Zealander that it's almost a crime to allow any feelings other than joy and contentment to gain any traction at all. I strongly believe that our land itself is live-giving. I just have to stop and look out the window and my spirits are lifted. Tim and I and his sister Jess went to see "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" at the cinema on Friday night. I'm going to refrain from making this into a film-review journal. There are people a lot better qualified than me writing reviews for the web, so I'll leave that to the experts. I just thought I'd mention that the character Arthur had the same phone as me. Hopefully no-one will be ringing mine and informing me that this planet is designated for descruction to make room for an intergalactic hyperspace highway. We laughed a lot, but I think most of the audience was expecting a sci-fi action film and failed to notice that everything was ironic. "There's more time than you think". There's one day to go before school begins again. I've been at home preparing for parts of the last couple of days. I can't say I'm excited about getting back to work, but I still feel I love my job. I've definitely got a number of my personal business up to date this holiday, and I've had a good rest, so I'm certainly going to go back to the second term refreshed and motivated. Activating this website again has been a wonderful experience for me. I think things are well in my world. All well with you? |
| deanboy
responded:
You should definitely see "What the Bleep do we Know?" ... one of the concepts relating to memory addresses the fact that our brains can't tell the difference between a memory and reality because the same areas of your brain are active for both. So a smell or a song triggering a memory is the same as the real experience for us. So theoretically the reverse action should be just as possible. Create the memory first and see it manifest physically. It's blown me away. |
| updoc
responded:
Proust touched on this topic rather delightfully with his epic 'In Search of Lost Time' (I have no time for the appallingly liberal translation 'In rememberance of things past'. The taste of the madeleines tea cakes triggered in him childhood memories not to mention the urge to use up several million acres of rainforest to write about it. Maybe it was supposed to be an ironic title! But I have a soft spot for that book as I blatantly used the title for my thesis: A la recherche de la France perdue. A catchy title can make up for a good deal of inadequacies! There is a particular perfume that reminds me of one of my primary school teachers. I still have no idea what that perfume is and I'm slightly bemused as to why I am reminded of that particular teacher, especially given that I can't even recall her name. Then I am reminded of cut grass and cancelled afternoon classes, with boys and girls grass fights which the boys invariably won. Are these simply nostalgic yearnings for our lost youth? Do we have an equal amount of negatively charged memories? Or are they all repressed? As a bit of a muso buff, I love the fact that songs can connect you back to specific times and locations. I do remember for quite some time being unable to tolerate the REM song Losing my religion. I was sixteen and spent the summer in Tahiti. I remember going to a neighbour's birthday party and being surrounded by girls asking for a dance but unfortunately chose the inopportune moment to relent to their wishes just as Losing My Religion started up. It was too late to bid a hasty retreat and lacking the eccentric dancing abilities of Michael Stipe, you've never seen a dance floor clear more quickly! (I challenge the most accomplished dancer to pull that song off though! What the hell was that DJ thinking? I still claim it was a sinister plot to undermine me. Conspiracy theories are that much more palatable for the ego.) But for that deeply scarring memory there are infinitely more happy memories. Songs can already provoke so many emotions in us but I love the fact that we all form unique attachments to particular songs. |
| jase_nz
responded:
Maybe I am showing my age, but I have never seen an episode of the Hitchhikers Guide, obviously I have heard of it as I do like to think of myself as somewhat cultured, But as a male in his twenties it is just not something that appeals to me. |
| Friday, April 29, 2005
They made me do it! |
| Well hello! It didn't take me long did it? One week to be precise. I |
| Wednesday, April 27, 2005
"You are Beautiful" |
| Anyone who has attended one of my aerobics classes will know that little phrase. Tonight it got a good airing as Bagley and I stole once again over the Crown Range to the Big Smoke (Queenstown) to do one of those classes that we just can't seem to quite shake our addiction to. I'm so unfamiliar with speaking (yelling/screaming/shouting/whooping) that I almost lost my voice after only 3 tracks. It was great. I do miss it. If only I could do it without all the commitment that it entails. Tim came too.. we three are almost a self-sustaining aerobics economy! Our trips to Queenstown of a Wednesday night are a treat for me. We usually take Snowflake (Bagley's car) because she's much faster than Heath and she doesn't take an entire supertanker of fuel to get there. What is said in the Snowflake stays in the Snowflake.. but I can say that we traverse an enormous amount of conversational territory in the trip there and back. And we laugh a lot. [The physical territory we cross deserves a special mention here; Bagley, the Snowflake and I conduct this mobile conversation in front of one of the most spectacular backdrops in the world, The Crown Range, The Remarkables, The Kawerau and Shotover Rivers and Lake Wakatipu. This is our home, but we don't take it for granted, ever... not even when our view is obscured by a camper van being driven by a very timid american tourist around an impossibly tight hairpin corner] Bagley asked (jokingly, although I know she was actually deadly serious underneath) why she wasn't featured in my galleries and it made me think about how the galleries aren't a very balanced representation of my friendships and connections. Not only is Bagley absent, but so are most of my non-Christchurch friends. I'd love to set this to rights, so I may be hitting you up for a photo sometime soon. Don't be shy! She'd been reading my journal largely because I'm basically impossible to contact a lot of the time. Now that my mobile phone is broken, my communications shell has become almost impregnable. I'm going to have to re-think that. Maybe I'll buy a new mobile sooner rather than later... oohh but then the question is.. which one? I'm loving this journal. I'm liking the form it's giving to my thoughts.. and even more I'm loving that some of you are responding to it. I'm also humbled by that. I often think with a touch of awe about the amazing people I know, who are disributed all over the planet, and for whom I have enormous affection. I feel really lucky to have these connections. My life is enriched so much because of you. Are you brave enough to hazard a comment yet? |
| bagley
responded:
Well, I will comment! In regards to your email...I am TOTALLY ok with my 'new' name! I actually think I kinda suit it! Which is strange, as I never would have said that a few years ago! |
| gazza
responded:
Handsome chap though he is, bevan just isn't the same. Thursdays just don't seem quite right. |
| Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Watch a NZ Film. |
| It might sound silly, but I'm still getting used to living by myself. I know it's been almost a year but, you see, I change slowly. I decided tonight that it wasn't really that terrible to spend 4 dollars on a DVD that was only for me, and that I didn't have to wait until I had someone else with me before I could justify watching a film. It's not the first time I've watched a film alone, in fact I used to have a habit of going to films by myself, but it's more the idea that I can create a sense of occasion around an activity even when i'm the only one involved. So, I got out one that I'd never heard of called "Fracture". It's a New Zealand film. I love New Zealand films of almost all kinds. I like that I recognise them. Not just the places and the accents, but also the.. drive of them. Afterwards I thought I'd check out the Internet Movie Database and discovered that americans in florida think the film was irritating and unwatchable. I think that's fine, we have to watch material from the US that we think that of day in and day out on our TV screens... I loved this one too. Even when I'm expected to believe than an australian with an aussie accent can be the brother of a kiwi girl. All good. And it was set in my favourite New Zealand city. Wellington. What a great place. Today was awesome. I fixed the heater in the car.. and vacuumed the inside. I made sushi. I fixed the indicator on my car. I started a 'loose screw' jar and a 'loose button' jar. I bought organic washing powder from the organic shop and I washed my white cotton sheets. I watched a film. What did you do? |
| jase_nz
responded:
I think that as New Zealanders we can be proud of what we are achieving in the cultural fields. |
| updoc
responded:
To blog or not to blog? [...] Ay there's the rub! Wednesday, April 27, 2005 |
| updoc
responded:
Thanks for the invitation to blog with you Chris. Such a wondrous word. You can use it as a verb, as a noun or as a web diary. It's up there with my favourites whose illustrious company includes such gems as sashay (as opposed to the bland sachet), funeral and frottage. And blog has the added advantage of being more easily slipped into conversation! |
| Monday, April 25, 2005
ANZAC |
| Today is ANZAC day. It's a significant day for many New Zealanders and Australians. I went to the "dawn" parade with Tim and we had a conversation (at 10:00am, in the sun, looking from the memorial over the town to the spectacular scenery beyond) about national identity. Since he was actually born in Holland, his take is different... but I still think we ultimately agreed that one of the unifying aspects of the country for New Zealanders is the land itself - and our relationship with it. We also decided that we're a migrant nation. I'm not sure exactly what effect that has, but I think it's significant nonetheless (what do you think it means to be a New Zealander?). Fighter planes and helicopters flew overhead.. and there were hundreds of people in attendance. Commemoration is alive and well in rural New Zealand. Michael King has a lot to say about all this too in his rather thick "Penguin History of New Zealand". It's definitely worth a read if you haven't already. Here is another migrant's take on the 'land' (thanks Stephen for alerting me to this site). It was this day last year that I became single again. It's been a big year. I think I've done well and feel as if I'm at last getting onto an even keel again. I keep looking at little cribs around the place and wondering what it would be like to own one.. I keep seeing nice cats in other people's houses and thinking it would be nice to have a cat. I know it's early days in this new life of mine, but it's unmistakable nonetheless: I'm starting to feel settled. It's getting cooler now - I'm fixing the heater in Heath, the car. It's fun - and wonderful to have the time to spend hours fiddling around with tools, screws and car parts. What did you do today? |
| swimmer
responded:
http://www.newzealand.com/travel/about-nz/culture/haka-feature/haka.cfm |
| Sunday, April 24, 2005
Snow Fell |
| It snowed last night. I was taking photos the night before of the naked mountains thinking, "Not long now." It's a New Zealander's habit, perogative, vice and preoccupation to talk about the weather. I'm impressed I've held out this long. Between Cromwell and home this morning I picked up a very cold backpacker. It turned out he was a panelbeater from Belgium (How come everyone can speak near-fluent English and I only know how to ask the best way to get to the Railway Station in German?). Bring that on. I gave him advice on the thermal qualities of wool and then we spent the rest of the trip talking about cars, not just my own... I'm now one week through my holiday. I've attended to a lot of my personal business and I can feel the school work looming on the horizon. There's this big pile of books in my entranceway and an even larger one in the office at school. There are all my good intentions to match. There is the brand new fibre-tipped pen. There is the new wireless network in our household. There is cold weather. The scene is set: I think I'll go to town for a coffee and think about it all again tomorrow. What are you doing right now? |
| deanboy
responded:
Snow! Ack! It's almost May! what the heck is going on there? LOL |
| Christopher Waugh
responded:
The cars in that photo are going the wrong way! Wednesday, April 27, 2005 |
| Friday, April 22, 2005
Gallery Update |
 It was a beautiful day so I went on one of my treks with the camera and came up with some more photos to stick in my latest photo gallery - and, no, they're not all of me! |
| Thursday, April 21, 2005
MY POEM |
| and they say that I'm meant to and I should (so they say) but I don't, instead I go for another incandescent run on another shining day and I remember that I know anyway and what they say and what they do is not for me and you. |
| swimmer
responded:
Andy dont keep your distance from me |
| Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Calling occupants |
| Today I responded to emails. The number of messages in my inbox was overwhelming. It's now 11pm and I've been typing all day. I haven't finished yet, but it has made me think. Think a lot of good things. Like how much I am loved by people. It's actually a very humbling thing. I have messages from people from many parts of my life; from previous workplaces, from friendships, from school and university. Every one of them is expressing their goodwill and their desire for me to be happy. Yet, some of these messages have sat in my inbox now for months. I isolate myself terribly sometimes, and yet the messages still come. It would be easy for the people who sent these messages to imagine that I am indifferent to them, but in honesty the opposite is true. Sometimes I think the problem is that I have found it hard to accept the manifest affection that these messages carry. You know, the old story, that it's impossible to accept anything from another person that you don't feel you deserve. So the truth of it is that these messages of care and love and concern sustain me. I treasure them. I have kept a copy of every message that anyone has ever sent me. I often read through these and reflect on the friendship and even when I find it hard to initiate contact and interaction with people, I feel like I'm still somehow in contact with them through reading messages from them. Some of the messages are from people who have decided in a definitive way that they no longer want a friendship with me... and there are some people who I have lost contact with in a less deliberate way. No matter what, these items of communication are of tremendous value to me. They represent the value I place in the people who wrote them. Those of you who persevere with me and are patient and tolerant and have stood by me through what have been some very challlenging times for me. Thank you! |
| deanboy
responded:
Everyone stands by you patiently because that is what friends do, knowing someday that you will or already have done the same for them. Don't ever change anything but your underwear, babe. Thursday, April 21, 2005 |
| Christopher Waugh
responded:
Go Dean! |
| Tuesday, April 19, 2005
My mobile phone.. |
| My mobile has stopped working... I think for good this time... I'm sure it will be good for me. There's still the good old internet. I can plan things more in advance, just like the olds days. I'll buy a new one when I've got the cash... |
| And now the new. |
| So, What is my new life like? Perhaps I can show it. Through clippings of my day to day activites.. and of course, through the photos in my galleries. I wake up every day to another inevitably clear and crystalline alpine morning. I have my 4 weetbix while listening to National Radio (Nicola Wright has THE sexiest voice). I wander to school, it's a 5 minute walk to my classroom which sits in the sun with a view of the mountains. I teach classes of students who are good fun to be with. I teach English, Economics and Drama. I smile and laugh a lot of the time at school. Except on my grumpy days.. and then I've got Bagley, my mate, to tell me to start smiling. And to feed me chocolate. Before I know it, the bell has gone signalling the end of the school day. Some days I wander home and look at the clock and it says "3:30pm" and I think I must be dreaming. I have no second job to go to. I just have hours and hours of time to do wiith what I wish. Sometimes I go for a run, or a coffee in one of the local cafes and I watch the travellers go by. Gena and I sometimes steal over to Queenstown to teach an rpm class on the sly at the Queenstown gym. People come to visit. In the weekends I might go for a big walk or run. I did the Queenstown Half Marathon the other weekend. I walk/ran the Routeburn track the other weekend with Tim and a colleague from school and a friend of her's. It was absolutely breathtaking. The weather was perfect, and we made it to the end before dark! There are photos of that on other people's cameras, so I'll get some and stick them in the galleries too. School's putting me through the course so I can get my HT driver's license with a P endorsement so I can drive 55 people in a bus.. I've even walked the catwalk in the Wanaka Wearable Creations - in nothing but gold bodypaint and a small wallpaper skirt. This town is a pretty vibrant place! Sometimes I just walk by the side of the lake with my iPod and laugh with love at it all... |
| Monday, April 18, 2005
What's been going on? |
| Yes, It's true that I seem to have once again turned my life upside down. Each time this happens it gets a bit more tough for me. It's almost exactly a year since Paul and I split up and I feel that it is only now that I'm starting to get back on my feet again. The end of that relationship really did cause me to look very closely at myself and what it is that causes me to first put so much into building a meaningful relationship, only to find myself throwing it all away. Each time I've caused a lot of pain, not just for myself, but for those tangled up with me. I feel a lot of regret about this. I know feelings like guilt and regret are ultimately not helpful. I know they paralyse a person. I simply came to a point where I didn't trust myself any longer. I think I am self-critical and perhaps often a little to hard on myself. I want to move forward from this in a constructive and positive way. I want to feel that I can have relationships with people that are life-giving for all people concerned and where I am not constantly trying to second-guess myself to be sure my motives are the right ones. Well, in order to aid this process I decided to live alone. To face myself and to avoid distracting myself with the needs of other people. Initially, when I was still living in Christchurch and working at Cashmere High School and still teaching aerobics most days, I found it very difficult to be by myself. I seemed, with all the introspection to just sink further and further into my own self-doubt and an overriding feeling of disappointment in how things had turned out. It was a tough year last year. At the end of the year I made the decision to move to Wanaka. A place of my heart. I was successful in my application for a job at Mount Aspiring College. My lease expired in my one person place in Sumner and I shifted myself and my belongings to Wanaka. If you look in my galleries, you'll see a couple of photos of the new place I have here (which is perfect for me). Naturally, a summer in Wanaka is enough to revive anyone's flagging spirits. Combining that with the liberty I experienced after giving up the work as an instructor at Les Mills meant that I really did begin to feel better. By the time school started in February this year, I really felt I was making some significant steps towards coming back to life. Moving to Wanaka has been a very good thing for me. In future entries into this journal you'll get to hear about what an excellent little community this is and how much it suits me and my priorities in life. But there is still a sadness for me. I really miss the family I left behind in Christchurch. I still believe it is right that Paul and I are no longer together, and I value tremendously the effort he is making for us to have an on-going friendship, but I just feel a loss of the daily interaction with his kids Lukas and Sofia. It's the reality of things for me. The reality of the choices I've made. I've got a lot more to say, but I'll leave this here for now. Righto! Chris |
| Welcome to my new interactive journal! |
| Hi there! I've been promising to update my website for a long time, and I know that most people have given up looking at it. It has, after all, remained largely static for the last 2 years. Well, I've finally got my act together and am actively working on updating it. I'm starting with the photo gallery and this online journal. I've corrected all the links to the existing photographs and I will be putting gallery number 11 online within the next few days. This journal now incorporates the facility for your respond directly to my posts. Feel free to do so.. but rememeber that what you write will be automatically published to the chris.net.nz site. I look forward to hearing from you! Chris |
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