| Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The Outlook for Thursday |
| It was predictable really that I was going to write less to this once the term started. You often hear it said about childbirth that the pain is never remembered. I think teachers experience a similar phenomenon. We have regular holidays, and it would be during these holidays that we would re-evaluate our work as teachers, but we mysteriously forget the intensity of term time as soon as the holidays begin. Instead we recall with fondness the term time as dynamic and often thrilling. It's funny how little memory we have for stress or tiredness or the just-never-quite-ever-just-getting-there. (Nice grammar mister Waugh). Wanaka experienced its first 'inversion layer' of the season yesterday. It's getting cooler and I haven't even begun to feel cold. I still sleep with the window open. I fully recommend an up-bringing in Dunedin for a life-long immunity to the winter chill. It no doubt helps that my little office is a good 3 minute jog from the networked photocopier. I keep active in my free periods. A person I care about sent me a message talking of autumn and the end (or change) of a relationship that was very important to him. I know about the ending of relationships that are important, but it so often seems that the people who talk to me about this situation are the ones who have been left. In my case, I'm always the big bad leaver. There don't seem to be so many fast clichés available to the person who does the leaving. He's meant to move right on. He wanted the ending in the first place. He's getting what he wanted. He still misses the person he's left though. He still thinks about the aspirations for his shared future that are now lost. It's been interesting how much lately I've been thinking about my previous relationships. Sometimes I think it's easier to be the one who is left. Then you can feel angry, get support, experience a self-pity that is fully sanctioned by the masses and ultimately move on. We all know the grief stages and we're all infinitely patient with the aggrieved one. Grief in the one who does the leaving is largely regarded as unseemly. No-one has much patience with self-imposed sadness. Sometimes it is actually harder to face that you've been the architect of your own relationship failures. You've only got yourself to blame. I'm sounding morose, I know. I'm not really. It's just that I have these thoughts as well as all the good ones. Dwelling under the inversion layer gives rise to all manner of still grey thoughts. If I write in here that my warrant of fitness is overdue, will I be more likely to get a ticket? Somehow it wouldn't surprise me if the Ministry of Transport and Google were in cahoots. It is overdue. I have to find a new garage with a mechanic who understands human relationships. So, I ought to balance my risk and also mention that my lovely Poppy, the Landcruiser PZ70 is still for sale - go Google go, do your magic and find me a buyer. I snore when i'm sleeping on my left side. I've been waking 5 minutes before my alarm, then falling back to sleep at 5 minute intervals until the snooze runs out. I've been trying to go to bed earlier. I'm making slow progress on that one, but I have actually been sleeping a few 8 hour nights. How about that? ... otherwise fine. |
| updoc
responded:
I have a friend who knows someone... |
| deanboy
responded:
in that sort of situation is it really fruitful to blame anyone? pointing fingers ends with everyone snarling, hackles up and ready for a fight. |
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You can also read my old journal that I wrote in 2001 when I threw everything up in the air and did a road trip of New Zealand to help me make some decisions. |
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