So. Here I am then. It's the first day of 2001. Everyone is talking about reviewing their year and making plans and resolutions for the new one. It makes me smile. I've made a full-time occupation out of that process you see.

I find myself walking down the street in whatever beautiful New Zealand town I happen to be in with a smile on my face. I look at everyone wound up in the troubles and worries of their day-to-day lives and I think about how easy (and at once incredibly hard) it can be to put all that aside. And just take some time to think.

I don't have to talk about highlights from the last 3 months, because you can just hit the previous button to see what was meaningful to me. So perhaps I'll just let you in on a few conclusions I've reached. How about that eh?

I've lived a lot of my life trying to do and be and say the things which I've felt people wish to hear, in order to compensate for a deep sense of inadequacy. I've felt if i behave in an acceptable way, somehow I can trick people into thinking i am acceptable. Obviously this doesn't serve me so well. But my path to greater self-acceptance has not been an easy one and I've made mistakes and hurt people along the way.

I have also felt since breaking up with Stephen, that one of my biggest priorities is to know myself better. And this I am working on. (I am very grateful to the lovely unexpected people who have taken me into their temporary custody over the last 12 months). I may have had to leave my job and the city too. But I have discovered the person on the inside of all that facade is actually quite a good guy.

I'm proud of myself. I think I've done really well. I know I walk a path less travelled, but what beautiful scenery there is when you take the hard route! And in the end, it's not the destination, but the journey itself which has the real meaning. The journey really IS the destination.

My life will continue to alter at pace, i'm sure, for the next few years.. but I intend for Paul to be the constant. It is unlikely we'll stay on in Christchurch for long, the Christchurch chapter of my life has now ended.. however where we move next is undecided. And the time-frame for such a move is a long one, so my mobile phone will be staying on Christchurch suburbs for some time yet..

And hey. You! thanks for joining me from time to time on this journey of mine. It has been a wonderful (and at times very necessary) comfort to have the email and text messages some of you have despatched my way. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Righto!

Chris